My Big bad wolf would have to be FAILURE with a capital F!!!! Failure in Weightloss, Failure in Relationships, Failure in Business, Failure as a Mom. But Failure…what is it really…so I looked at a dictionary online of all places…I learned here that ‘

failure

refers to the state or condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective. It may be viewed as the opposite of success.’ My question is…who/what sets the objective with which to determine whether something is a failure or not…whether a situation meets the criteria for failure or success is problematic…at the time the things that I then considered ‘failures’ in hind site have actually made me who I am today…so can I still classify them as such…

For instance…when I was very young and green behind the ears (19yrs) I started my own business, a corporate concierge service…for a time things were going great! I hooked up with a eager investor, worked from the 14th floor of their offices..had my own executive office and boardroom, all expenses paid, and lived in a penthouse apartment in inner city melbourne which the investors company paid for…However, after awhile their company ran into financial difficulties and as a result my company was brought down with it…so, heartbroken, I packed up, mothballed my business concept and moved on to University…now the world would say I failed in that business but I achieved so much, had so much for the time that I was there and learned so much in the process….Then there is my past relationships…my first ‘live in’ partner was a Nigerian…STOP! you say dating a Nigerian of all people is just asking for trouble…yea well I know that now (their reputation for being playa’s goes before them). He turned out to be physically and mentally abusive (I have a fractured air drum to prove it), untrustworthy, a cheater and overall a not a very nice person…but I got a bed, a futon and a nice bread maker out of that relationship… Then there is my lying, cheating mentally abusive, slimy x husband…he came back into my life shortly after I left the Nigerian Playa I was depressed, down trodden, and at the time he seemed like a GOOD christian man that was going to save me from myself…Well little did I know, that i was just exchanging one abusive relationship for another…but out of that I have two beautiful children who I utterly adore…so can I confidently say I failed…

With each so called failure I have grown, learned and moved on and have assets behind me as a result of them…If I didn’t have the ‘failures’ in my life then how could I appreciate success? To understand the concept of success you first have to grapple with the concept of failure…I would like to rewrite the dictionary to define failure as “an opportunity for growth to further your eventual success” You may have to have many ‘failures’ but if you harness those failures and learn from them the greater your resulting success will be. Failure is not the opposite of success…it is part and parcel of it.

So why should I be afraid of the big bad wolf when its the same big bad wolf that is going to ultimately lead me to build a better and more beautiful house! Just a few inarticulate ramblings but I hope you get what I am saying…

Help! I am going bald…Well not quite bald yet but pulling my hair out all the same…I have people left right and center holding up things…the programming still isn’t complete, the system software seems to be playing up whenever I touch it and I have a couple of negotiations on the go that are currently stagnated.

This has been an ongoing project for me for the last 8 months and up to this point I have been the pin up girl of motivation and passion…but over the last 2 weeks I have found myself wondering if it is all worth it…and if it is ever going to happen! I am loosing my focus I guess. The person that I would usually talk to about it is not presently available so I am dealing with my frustration alone…no wonder I am into the wine again..’wetting my tongue’ has become literally the only way I can relax…that, and the funky music I am listening to at present of course.

I need help, I guess, and support…I just feel like I am doing it all alone. I still live in hope that my dream will come true but at the moment…it doesn’t look like it will any time soon. GRRRRRRR

Well, the wine and toast must be actually working…I weighed myself today and I am 109 kgs…(239lbs)…Ok but the bad side is that…not getting my nutrients and protein I am tired all the time..Oh and staying up most nights till 1am in the morning probably isn’t helping either…

Yesterday, I couldn’t resist, I was feeling particularly down so I went to my favourite cafe and ordered a Mocachino and a piece of carrot cake (with lots of cream) yea, yea, I know…not the best lunch but DAMN it was good! Hey..I am under 110kgs now so I deserved it…Probably wont be tomorro though!!!! GRRRR bloody catch 20 rule!

You cant do anything these days with out consequences…if only I could have a consequence free life…the things I would do! Not just eating of course I can think of one in particular…but it is too dangerous to even admit here. I will leave it to your overactive imagination to work that one out. But all in all its a positive day for me weight wise!