The problem with small towns.

I tell you what…you can tell you live in a small town community when you receive an hand written but unsigned envelope in your mailbox with a pamphlet inside it titled ‘Ashma and Smoking Don’t Mix’.

I was shocked this morning to receive a such a pamphlet in my mailbox today. The reason it surprised me is because NO ONE, as far as I know, knows that only a couple of months ago I was diagnosed with Asthma and even my doctor doesn’t know that I smoke. I must concede, that it is probably no huge secret around town that I smoke but I have probably only used my puffer in public on one or two occasions. So that, at least, is not general knowledge…yet I receive this.

At first I thought my parents probably sent it; the envelope was postmarked Hanmer Springs, where I live, and they have been on my back for ages about my smoking. But on closer look, the hand-writing was definitely not either of theirs. When I quizzed them, on whether they sent it or had anything to do with sending it, they flatly denied it…Dad IS the pastor at one of the local churches, after all, so I have NO reason not to trust that they are telling the truth. Besides, it was addressed to me as a ‘MRS’…What the F*ck! I haven’t been a ‘MRS’ for about 18months…ok, ok, so legally I probably AM still classified so…but to my friends, they wouldn’t DARE address me as that!

So I have come to the conclusion that some ‘well meaning’ busy body probably saw me use my puffer in the village one day and knowing that I smoke, thought she needed to anonymously give me the ‘hard’ word on what smoking was doing to my body and my lungs…Dah…like I don’t know that already! I know its a terrible habit. I know that smoking kills, I know that it is frying up my lungs. Gimme a break! For the last 18 months since my marriage break up it has been my crux, and as awful as it is, my comfort… I can no longer turn to ‘food’ for comfort…or a MAN…or SEX…God dammnit!…so smoking it is!

I do plan to quit in the near future…It would be nice to not cough up gunk all the time and to be able to take a deep breath without wheezing or having that constant catch at the back of my throat all the time. Oh to be able to breath again!!! But one thing at a time…Dr Phil encourages that to get rid of bad habits you have to replace them with good ones…well I haven’t found a worthy replacement yet…perhaps once I loose a few more and find me that, tall dark and handsome, flab loving ‘eye candy’ that I have been lusting after in my last few posts…Maybe that will take my mind off the consuming need to smoke. He He He! I can almost hear my parents grasp of horror…to them, I suppose, that would just be replacing one bad habit for another. Perhaps I should try knitting!