I am a BAD BAD GIRL
August 22, 2007 · Print This Article
Timidly, I write this crawling out of my cave…I have to beg your pardon and forgiveness cause I feel like a big, fat fraud…I went to my lap band dr this week and had to jump on the scales..and the truth is I have put on 11lbs over the last couple of months…true…the custard chocolate swirl pastries that I have been gauging myself with hasn’t helped…and neither have the daily visits to the local cafe’s and bakeries.
The more depressed I get the more I eat…Why Why Why can’t I be an anorexic…At least if I actually had the will power to starve myself I would be thin…I know that is not the answer…lol and I will probably be disgusted in myself for writing this in my blog a few weeks from now…maybe I’ll even delete the post…but this is how I feel right here and now.
Its not that anything huge has happened in my life…and I honestly thought I was getting out of the hole I have been living in for the past month but the icy hands of depression have been reaching out and pulling me back under…
As you all should know by now…this is NOT me. I am usually the most happy, positive, enthusiastic and vibrant person around…but one thing about me is that when I am UP I am in the skies as high as you can get…but on the other hand when I am down…well that’s another story.
I haven’t given up…Today and yesterday I barely ate a thing…and I made sure I ate vegetables and food with good nutrient value. But I am here…clawing my way out of the abyss. These times are so hard when you are trying to loose weight. Watching what you eat doesn’t come naturally it seems more natural to give up, let it all hang out and eat whatever, whenever. But these are the times when we have to keep our eyes firmly fixed on the goal…
“Why am I doing this, again?” - I am doing this to love myself. To give myself permission to SHINE, for a very long and healthy future to come. Why are you loosing weight?
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had a rough time of it recently - just know that we’re all here for you and want to help you and support you
You deserve the best that you can give yourself!
Everyone falls down, in fact, falling down on the diet is helpful, I really believe this. It helps us know that we have to be constantly vigilant. We have to suffer consequences for overeating. I have done it too. However, I do not change my plan because of it. I just go on. I know that may sound stupid, but I see it as a cycle. If I overeat and then try to compensate by undereating, I get too hungry. I may ramp up my exercise, but I go right back onto my normal eating plan without further restricting myself. I find that my worst time of all is when I am close to a period. It kills me. I am so hungry all the time, but that passes. I try to eat a lot more in veggies during that time to keep myself full.
I love your blog, you are so honest and I like that.
one would think a question like, “why do you want to lose weight?” would be easy to answer… but its not because its complicated… for me, its a combo of several things: (1) i have a goal weight that i would like to get too, (2) by losing weight, i feel i would be able to run longer/faster, and (3) i think i would just feel better about myself in general…
believe me, we ALL have ups/downs - you’ll get thru this, don’t worry… that’s why you have us… :o)
You do know you are a super flabuless woman right? Maybe the weighin at your doc’s helped open up your eyes a bit. Just take one day at a time (I know you know this) and know we are here.
Hey, don’t beat yourself up! We’ve all “been there, done that!” You’ll do better from now on. I know you will! All of us are here to support you, and we want you to succeed. We believe in you and know that you CAN succeed. But most importantly, we know that you WILL succeed!
So just do the best that you can…today, tomorrow, and the next day. Think positive and keep pressing on. It’s a fight, but we’re all in this battle together!
Your comment about wishing you were anorexic made me laugh. I used to suffer from “bulimic amnesia.” I would eat all I wanted, and then forget to throw up. lol
As Chubby Chick said, don’t beat yourself up. That’s life. I had a couple months this summer of sheer madness … eating and drinking everything I wanted. But I got back on track three weeks ago and am very psyched again.
I was in a cave of my own and regained a few pounds. But, I got back on track a couple days back…the struggle continues.
Like the others said, falling down is part of the journey. The important thing is what you’re doing–getting BACK up.
Have some nice veggies and green tea today, eh?
Princess Dieter (aka Mir)
It’s so easy to forget why you’re trying so hard to lose weight… but I always try to remember how I feel after a long run, or a great workout…. I get so energetic and full of those lovely endorphins. What’s more important, I *feel* healthier. The same goes for my diet. I love chocolate and cookies, but if I eat a lot, I know I will feel awful afterwards.
Good luck getting back on the boat, and I hope everything goes well for you!
Soooooooo glad you are back! 11 pounds? Eh, no big deal… unless you let it be. I like Flabuless even if she never looses weight. I know I’m sort of a new reader, but I kinda thought the name of your blog says it all… FINDING Flabuless… it’s about the journey. With any journey there is going to progress and backtracking. I too have a recurring problem with falling back into unhealthy eating patterns. Check out My Food Log (link available on my site..do0rdiet.blogspot.com). So many days (often in a row) I fall back into lousy habits. Don’t quit! We Can Do It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why am I trying to loose weight? Self confidence, setting a good example for my son, and now my husband who has just announced that he will be joining me on a similar journey to loose weight, improved health and to look better to me.
I really like your site! I have lost 11.5 pounds in 2 weeks using Sxinney water and Crave. You sip Sxinney water all day,its a whole food and it keeps you hydrated and feeds your body nutrients. Then when I eat a meal I have a pixie stick of crave..it taste like sweet tarts and I’m full.This stuff has no stimulants and no sugar. Its safe for everyone and is amazing and so easy. for more info look at wwwgetfitlivsxinney.com So I hope to be back soon ladies and I’ll keep you posted on the pounds.
Hi there
I am going through a similar thing. I have been going to the gym and doing my work out but I have also been eating things that I know I shouldn’t. I have gone through a traumatic time with not being able to get pregnant. It has triggered my bad eating habbits as a coping mechanisim. IT is bloody hard to lose weight but the good news is that I haven’t actually put any weight on, infact I put these slacks on this morning and they fit. I haven’t been able to get into them for three years. You just don’t give up, you can do it I know you can and together we can all give each other the strength to keep going. We owe ourselves this as you may be aware there is someone inside you that rarley comes out and this is because of our weight problem. Please email me if you ever need someone to talk to and who knows maybe you can keep me on track too with your encouragement.