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My Progress To Date:
Conversations with a friend
I was talking to my friend today about the book I am writing 'The Lighter Side of Large' ( based on my cartoon series) and how it was turned down early last year ago by a couple of publishers because it was seemingly too Politically Incorrect and could be used to laugh at 'fat' people instead of encourage and inspire as is my intention. She had some interesting and poignant thoughts which I wanted to share with you all:...over the last six months to a year the market - as it always does - has trended to more "fat friendly" status. People, while they are gearing down for healthier living and even obese to morbidly obese people are buckling down to "get healthy" - are not so skittish or embarrassed to talk about the "elephant in the room" - meaning, themselves and their extra poundage.
From a sexy group of four plus-sized gals getting rave reviews on "America's Got Talent" to Oprah FINALLY getting comfortable in her own skin to formerly skinny - to fat - now to in shape act ress Kirstie Alley losing weight in the public eye for Jenny Craig - more and more "average" to more than just a little bit fleshy women are starting to realize that the core of who they are - their true spirit - is more important than meeting their ideal body face to face.
Weight is bad and being overweight can literally kill you. Because of that and the increased risk to shortening your life to do great things - it is important for each of us to honor who we are on the inside by honoring who we are on the outside. Inside we are all unique individuals given a special place by God on this earth, a select mission only we can complete and every skill, talent and ability necessary to do the job well. Outside, we often betray the goodness of our spirit with the lies we have been told and that we have let ourselves believe and reinforce through our own behaviours. Fat is nothing more than a fib or a lie we are wearing.
In our internal conversations we need to move from saying to ourselves "I wish I were" or "one day" to a powerful "today I am" message about the awesomeness of who you are - at any age or size - to the people you love and who love you. That is turning the formerly "embarassing" into the empowering.
To lose the weight one has to be content where they are - and let go of the past...from that place of contentment they have to have the courage and confidence to move forward to get their outside matching their inside...and perhaps even their inside matchin g who God ORIGINALLY designed for them to be.
HERE HERE! Couldn't have said it better myself! But what do you all think? Do you Agree?
Comments
Evil X's
I am so angry right now...punching the air, crying buckets full of tears, numb with grief.
The EVIL X has struck again... proving once more the bastard that he is..excuse my french.
As a part of our interim court orders, that we agreed and the family court of australia signed off on, my X took on the responsibility of paying the minimum payments on our joint credit card debt that we accrued during our marriage. He was supposed to be paying me child support but I forfeited half of my due child support for him to make these minimum payments...especially on the ones that were in my name.
I just found out yesterday that not only has he NOT been making the minimum payments for the past 7 months on these credit cards, but now my credit rating is shot and I have a strike against my name in australia which will make it difficult for me to rent a house, take out a loan, get a credit card, connect a home telephone service, etc etc. Even though as of this Friday, when the house settles, we will be able to pay off all the debts in full, the mark remains next to my name for the next 5 years...and there is NOTHING I can do about it.
It's like he is just trying to ruin me...I have been racking my brains to think of some appropriate revenge but alas I am too nice to post naked pictures of him on the internet...lol not that i have any!
It is so hard, to keep my head up when he just seems to be going out of his way to ruin me...Well, he may have just blown his chances of me bowing to his demands and moving back to australia with the kids for at least the next 5 years...Why would I move back there now...that things are going to be difficult for me to provide a proper life for my children. What does he want...me and the kids homeless and out on the streets...
As if my life isn't bad enough, someone who I really looked up to really shattered me the other day telling me my work and various projects on the internet (including
The EVIL X has struck again... proving once more the bastard that he is..excuse my french.
As a part of our interim court orders, that we agreed and the family court of australia signed off on, my X took on the responsibility of paying the minimum payments on our joint credit card debt that we accrued during our marriage. He was supposed to be paying me child support but I forfeited half of my due child support for him to make these minimum payments...especially on the ones that were in my name.
I just found out yesterday that not only has he NOT been making the minimum payments for the past 7 months on these credit cards, but now my credit rating is shot and I have a strike against my name in australia which will make it difficult for me to rent a house, take out a loan, get a credit card, connect a home telephone service, etc etc. Even though as of this Friday, when the house settles, we will be able to pay off all the debts in full, the mark remains next to my name for the next 5 years...and there is NOTHING I can do about it.
It's like he is just trying to ruin me...I have been racking my brains to think of some appropriate revenge but alas I am too nice to post naked pictures of him on the internet...lol not that i have any!
It is so hard, to keep my head up when he just seems to be going out of his way to ruin me...Well, he may have just blown his chances of me bowing to his demands and moving back to australia with the kids for at least the next 5 years...Why would I move back there now...that things are going to be difficult for me to provide a proper life for my children. What does he want...me and the kids homeless and out on the streets...
As if my life isn't bad enough, someone who I really looked up to really shattered me the other day telling me my work and various projects on the internet (including
) are all well and good but how can I help others if I can't help myself. She was referring to my smoking and the slowness of my own weight loss of late and my lack of interaction with my children. She believes my internet activities are taking up to much of my time and energy that should be going towards getting myself better, healthier, stronger emotionally, and spending more quality time with my children.
I have been under an enormous amount of pressure lately, as you all know...and I am sorry if emotionally I haven't been able to keep up with everything but I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water right now...and now I am a bad mother because I am trying to provide an income for me and the kids that will enable me to stay at home with them full time...I don't get it...I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. It's so hard to find a balance.
I have been under an enormous amount of pressure lately, as you all know...and I am sorry if emotionally I haven't been able to keep up with everything but I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water right now...and now I am a bad mother because I am trying to provide an income for me and the kids that will enable me to stay at home with them full time...I don't get it...I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. It's so hard to find a balance.
The Act of Gaining
I was going to record a flabvlog tonight but my computer is not playing nicely...So I have resigned myself to writing a post.
I am the mother of all procrastinators... truly! I have known, for some time now, that I had to fill in some forms in time for the 31st August but I have procrastinated to the point that it is probably too late now...grrrr. I will be under 'disciplinary' action too...which is the worst thing. I am supposed to do them every year before that date. But every blinking time I sit down to do it I find something else distracts me...I guess deep down I just don't want to do them...lol But, as my daddy used to tell me "sometimes we have to do what we don't want to do"...I used to hate that saying. It is funny though that, as a mom, I find myself repeating it to my kids...grrrrr! History repeats itself.
So do we really WANT to lose weight. I have been asking myself that question, what does it mean to truly want something? I want to be healthy, I want to be slim, I want to be fit...but I can't say I really WANT to lose weight...unfortunately you can't have the former without the latter. They are all intimately linked. By its essence the act of 'losing' weight has some negative connotations...when you lose something it is usually bad, frustrating, like when you loose your keys, or your purse. True, in the advent of shows like 'The Biggest Loser' and 'Losin' It', pop culture has fashioned our minds into thinking that being a 'loser' or loosing weight is the way to go. But have we forgotten that losing is the OPPOSITE of winning. At its very core, the act of 'losing' weight is like we are losing a part of ourselves...a big part of ourselves for some of us.
Thinking this, for me, automatically places a barrier or boundary in my mind. Perhaps I should change my mindset and internal conversation from being in the act of 'losing' to gaining. I am gaining health, gaining a great body, gaining attractiveness, gaining life, gaining freedom.
Hi, my name is Flabuless and I'm a proud 'Gainer'...lol I guess I am just rambling...cause I can't think of anything better to do...since I am supposed to be doing something else...still...its been fun.
I am the mother of all procrastinators... truly! I have known, for some time now, that I had to fill in some forms in time for the 31st August but I have procrastinated to the point that it is probably too late now...grrrr. I will be under 'disciplinary' action too...which is the worst thing. I am supposed to do them every year before that date. But every blinking time I sit down to do it I find something else distracts me...I guess deep down I just don't want to do them...lol But, as my daddy used to tell me "sometimes we have to do what we don't want to do"...I used to hate that saying. It is funny though that, as a mom, I find myself repeating it to my kids...grrrrr! History repeats itself.
So do we really WANT to lose weight. I have been asking myself that question, what does it mean to truly want something? I want to be healthy, I want to be slim, I want to be fit...but I can't say I really WANT to lose weight...unfortunately you can't have the former without the latter. They are all intimately linked. By its essence the act of 'losing' weight has some negative connotations...when you lose something it is usually bad, frustrating, like when you loose your keys, or your purse. True, in the advent of shows like 'The Biggest Loser' and 'Losin' It', pop culture has fashioned our minds into thinking that being a 'loser' or loosing weight is the way to go. But have we forgotten that losing is the OPPOSITE of winning. At its very core, the act of 'losing' weight is like we are losing a part of ourselves...a big part of ourselves for some of us.
Thinking this, for me, automatically places a barrier or boundary in my mind. Perhaps I should change my mindset and internal conversation from being in the act of 'losing' to gaining. I am gaining health, gaining a great body, gaining attractiveness, gaining life, gaining freedom.
Hi, my name is Flabuless and I'm a proud 'Gainer'...lol I guess I am just rambling...cause I can't think of anything better to do...since I am supposed to be doing something else...still...its been fun.
Chubby Sex
Apparently, Chubby Sex is one of the highest searched keywords on google. Don't ask me my source...lol...No, No don't worry its not me. For me personally, naked or scantily dressed 'horizontally challenged' (ie FAT) women (or men, for that matter) do not really appeal.
I must admit, I look at them with more than a little disgust...yea, yea before you jump down my throat and tell me how hypocritical I am... YES I know I look like...that! (I am reminded of it on the odd occasion when I happen to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror after bathing...which I try to avoid...like the plague) But I cannot for the life of me understand why men would like to look at images of a big fat momma looking ridiculously haughty showing off her bits to the world and think its SEXY, now just so that we are clear...I am talking about soft porn here.
I love the human body...I have mentioned that quite a few times before, you know the taut, chiselled, six pack version's...but a FAT human body is sort of hard to get an eyeful of...Perhaps what makes me so abhorrent of such pictures...is that, they all remind me of someone (ie MOI)...and I HATE that particular reminder, which is why my eyes avoid the mirror when I am naked. But more importantly, maybe I am also a little threatened by big people that are sexy and know they are SEXY cause I perhaps have lost that same confidence in myself...but still...as a single mom, with 2 children is there really any need to 'Feel Sexy'? I don't have a man in my life nor am I likely too for some time. I can tell you, It's been a LONG time since I put my SEXY clothes on, plastered myself with makeup and went out for a night on the town with the sole intention of giving some unsuspecting guy a 'smouldering look'...Yea you know the one girls!!!.
The closest I get to feeling sexy, now, is when I have one of those few and far between 'DRY' dreams, YOU KNOW the ones where you wake up and realise you were dry humping the pillow...oops did I say that. Perhaps it is my subconscious telling me that, on some level, I should get in-touch with my SEXY side again. How important is feeling 'sexy' to you?
I must admit, I look at them with more than a little disgust...yea, yea before you jump down my throat and tell me how hypocritical I am... YES I know I look like...that! (I am reminded of it on the odd occasion when I happen to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror after bathing...which I try to avoid...like the plague) But I cannot for the life of me understand why men would like to look at images of a big fat momma looking ridiculously haughty showing off her bits to the world and think its SEXY, now just so that we are clear...I am talking about soft porn here.
I love the human body...I have mentioned that quite a few times before, you know the taut, chiselled, six pack version's...but a FAT human body is sort of hard to get an eyeful of...Perhaps what makes me so abhorrent of such pictures...is that, they all remind me of someone (ie MOI)...and I HATE that particular reminder, which is why my eyes avoid the mirror when I am naked. But more importantly, maybe I am also a little threatened by big people that are sexy and know they are SEXY cause I perhaps have lost that same confidence in myself...but still...as a single mom, with 2 children is there really any need to 'Feel Sexy'? I don't have a man in my life nor am I likely too for some time. I can tell you, It's been a LONG time since I put my SEXY clothes on, plastered myself with makeup and went out for a night on the town with the sole intention of giving some unsuspecting guy a 'smouldering look'...Yea you know the one girls!!!.
The closest I get to feeling sexy, now, is when I have one of those few and far between 'DRY' dreams, YOU KNOW the ones where you wake up and realise you were dry humping the pillow...oops did I say that. Perhaps it is my subconscious telling me that, on some level, I should get in-touch with my SEXY side again. How important is feeling 'sexy' to you?
Just for a Laugh!
I'm BACK
Yes guys it is me! I am back in full throttle.
The house is clean...finally! I am back to sleeping in my pyjamas again...and not just the clothes I wore that day...always a good sign with me.
The house is clean...finally! I am back to sleeping in my pyjamas again...and not just the clothes I wore that day...always a good sign with me.
I have washed my hair! AND started a 'To Do Today' Whiteboard so that I can keep on top of things from now on.
I have had a rollercoaster of a week...and in fact this entire month has been very difficult...but I am DETERMINED to step out of the funk...and take the time to start enjoying myself, my life, and my kids again.
During my funk, I received the most amazing email from one of you guys...that really helped cheered me up and gave me a new perspective on things...which really helped...I won't name who it was but if you're reading, you'll know who I am talking about and I just wanted to say thank you so much for taking the time to write...you were inspired and you really touched me deeply. I read every line of the epic...over and over again with tears coming down my face!
Ok Got To Dash for now but I will be back on board this week so expect more regular postings from me...
Oh and also, just in case you didnt get from my last FlabVlog, I WON
I have had a rollercoaster of a week...and in fact this entire month has been very difficult...but I am DETERMINED to step out of the funk...and take the time to start enjoying myself, my life, and my kids again.
During my funk, I received the most amazing email from one of you guys...that really helped cheered me up and gave me a new perspective on things...which really helped...I won't name who it was but if you're reading, you'll know who I am talking about and I just wanted to say thank you so much for taking the time to write...you were inspired and you really touched me deeply. I read every line of the epic...over and over again with tears coming down my face!
Ok Got To Dash for now but I will be back on board this week so expect more regular postings from me...
Oh and also, just in case you didnt get from my last FlabVlog, I WON
! YAY.
You probably remember the
You probably remember the
i posted here a few weeks back, well thanks for your comments and encuragement....I WON!
Catch ya later.
xx Flabuless
Catch ya later.
xx Flabuless
A Speech from the Flabuless 2K Blogger WINNER!!!!
My life aint so bad
I was watching Dr Phil today and saw this amazing story about a couple raising the only deaf/blind triplets in the world. It is an absolutely incredible story and makes me realise that my life just ain't so bad! Dr Phil makes a comment in the first video right at the end that I thought was absolutely perfect...I truly am humbled in their presence and in awe of their spirit and commitment. This is a story that MUST be heard by anyone who thinks that their world is caving in on them...like me this week. I needed to see and hear this. It gives me hope...If they can overcome all that I can surely overcome my own daily struggles. I am blessed to have the two amazing and healthy children that you see above.
A Message from my Cave!
One of my favourite movies of all times "Shadowlands", the story of CS Lewis, has a quote which I love it states "we read to know we are not alone". Thanks so much for your comments, encouragement and patience this week...I thought I would do a quick FlabVlog to fill you in on the details. I am still a bit down...but getting there!
xx Flabuless
xx Flabuless
A Tough Week
I haven't been around much this week...I have had a tough one.
I got a letter from my X's lawyer threatening to 'litigate' (ie take me to court) if I didn't agree to relocate back to Australia so that the kids could be near their father. Believe me, I was UPSET.
Last year, My X signed a court agreement allowing the kids to stay with me here indefinitely and now he is doing a total back flip and apparently he has a case...if that was not ALL he has decided that since I have apparently 're-established myself here in New Zealand he was going to keep ALL our joint assets that are currently in the house, OUR HOUSE which he has been living in for the past 2 years. Bl**dy Men, I knew he was going to screw me over.
Its a hump, I know, in the bigger picture of my life but it doesn't make it easier when you are right in the midst of the battle. It feels like my whole world is falling in on me at the moment. Hmmmmm...I don't have much else to say today except bare with me...I need to get my head straight.
(~big sighs~)
I am trying to keep smiling
xx flabuless
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