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Finding Flabuless Has Moved

2008-05-05T13:52:00.001-07:00

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Major Website Move

2007-09-24T04:33:00.000-07:00

Just giving you the up and up! Shortly I will be moving the entire Finding Flabuless site over to Wordpress so there will be major changes to the design and layout ...lol It will take me awhile to settle into the new digs so if the site starts looking a bit strange...you will know what is going on! I am hoping to have the new design live before December this year. In the meantime there will be an interim design but never fear...it will not stop me from posting.

I have been having serious talks to my therapist and close friends about removing the 'STRESS' from my life...so I am in the process of 'removing the fluff' or so to speak and knuckling down on a few things that I am passionate about.

One, as I have already mentioned is getting my personal website more user friendly,

Two is finishing and publishing my book which my newly revamped blogsite will promote and hopefully sell!!! (wink, wink, nudge, nudge),

Three is putting my scary business women hat on and making some heads roll in relation to my

SizeXchange

site...I want it finished and I want it finished NOW...stamp my foot and put my lip...hehehe thank goodness you guys most likely will never have to meet THAT side of Flabuless, she can be a little intimidating!

And whilst I am doing all the above I will also be chipping away at finishing the flabtv concept which, incidentally, has actually had a total overhaul and revamp...even the name and branding has changed but more on that later! and my other passion a webforum for sufferers of hypothyroidism which is in the works also.

You are probably all thinking...gosh and this is your way of REMOVING the stress...well put it this way I had about 5 more things that I was trying to work on at the same time...so I have had to discipline myself (cause i tend to take on more than I can chew) and set these on the back burner until I have completed these first 5.

I am getting my 'me space' organised...an area/desk/office for working...so no more laptop on my knee watching TV hehe! This alone is proving motivating just setting aside an area to work that doesn't have toys, clothes and half eaten food covering it!

See I told you I would plan out my life in the next couple of days. So ask me again...Where do I see myself in 12 months.

Well, that's EASY:

I am a published author and the Finding Flabuless website will be receiving over 100,000 unique visits a month,
SizeXchange is up and running and rocking -- fast catching up to ebay in the affordable transient clothing market
I will be travelling and speaking to women all over the world encouraging and motivating them in their weight loss journey.
I will be further encouraging and connecting dieters through my flabtv/???? (ssshh....to be revealed) and hypothyroid websites.

What do you reckon? Will you be here in a year to see how far I got? What about you...where will you be in a year?

xxxx flabuless

Conversations with a friend

2007-09-24T04:31:00.000-07:00

I was talking to my friend today about the book I am writing 'The Lighter Side of Large' ( based on my cartoon series) and how it was turned down early last year ago by a couple of publishers because it was seemingly too Politically Incorrect and could be used to laugh at 'fat' people instead of encourage and inspire as is my intention. She had some interesting and poignant thoughts which I wanted to share with you all:

...over the last six months to a year the market - as it always does - has trended to more "fat friendly" status. People, while they are gearing down for healthier living and even obese to morbidly obese people are buckling down to "get healthy" - are not so skittish or embarrassed to talk about the "elephant in the room" - meaning, themselves and their extra poundage.
  From a sexy group of four plus-sized gals getting rave reviews on "America's Got Talent" to Oprah FINALLY getting comfortable in her own skin to formerly skinny - to fat - now to in shape act ress Kirstie Alley losing weight in the public eye for Jenny Craig - more and more "average" to more than just a little bit fleshy women are starting to realize that the core of who they are - their true spirit - is more important than meeting their ideal body face to face.
  Weight is bad and being overweight can literally kill you. Because of that and the increased risk to shortening your life to do great things - it is important for each of us to honor who we are on the inside by honoring who we are on the outside. Inside we are all unique individuals given a special place by God on this earth, a select mission only we can complete and every skill, talent and ability necessary to do the job well. Outside, we often betray the goodness of our spirit with the lies we have been told and that we have let ourselves believe and reinforce through our own behaviours. Fat is nothing more than a fib or a lie we are wearing.

In our internal conversations we need to move from saying to ourselves "I wish I were" or "one day" to a powerful "today I am" message about the awesomeness of who you are - at any age or size - to the people you love and who love you. That is turning the formerly "embarassing" into the empowering.
  To lose the weight one has to be content where they are - and let go of the past...from that place of contentment they have to have the courage and confidence to move forward to get their outside matching their inside...and perhaps even their inside matchin g who God ORIGINALLY designed for them to be.

HERE HERE! Couldn't have said it better myself! But what do you all think? Do you Agree?

I'm still here!

2007-09-20T17:08:00.001-07:00

Got some time last night so I thought I'd do a FlabVlog to update you all.

Evil X's

2007-09-11T14:04:00.000-07:00

I am so angry right now...punching the air, crying buckets full of tears, numb with grief.

The EVIL X has struck again... proving once more the bastard that he is..excuse my french.

As a part of our interim court orders, that we agreed and the family court of australia signed off on, my X took on the responsibility of paying the minimum payments on our joint credit card debt that we accrued during our marriage. He was supposed to be paying me child support but I forfeited half of my due child support for him to make these minimum payments...especially on the ones that were in my name.

I just found out yesterday that not only has he NOT been making the minimum payments for the past 7 months on these credit cards, but now my credit rating is shot and I have a strike against my name in australia which will make it difficult for me to rent a house, take out a loan, get a credit card, connect a home telephone service, etc etc. Even though as of this Friday, when the house settles, we will be able to pay off all the debts in full, the mark remains next to my name for the next 5 years...and there is NOTHING I can do about it.

It's like he is just trying to ruin me...I have been racking my brains to think of some appropriate revenge but alas I am too nice to post naked pictures of him on the internet...lol not that i have any!

It is so hard, to keep my head up when he just seems to be going out of his way to ruin me...Well, he may have just blown his chances of me bowing to his demands and moving back to australia with the kids for at least the next 5 years...Why would I move back there now...that things are going to be difficult for me to provide a proper life for my children. What does he want...me and the kids homeless and out on the streets...

As if my life isn't bad enough, someone who I really looked up to really shattered me the other day telling me my work and various projects on the internet (including

SizeXchange

) are all well and good but how can I help others if I can't help myself. She was referring to my smoking and the slowness of my own weight loss of late and my lack of interaction with my children. She believes my internet activities are taking up to much of my time and energy that should be going towards getting myself better, healthier, stronger emotionally, and spending more quality time with my children.

I have been under an enormous amount of pressure lately, as you all know...and I am sorry if emotionally I haven't been able to keep up with everything but I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water right now...and now I am a bad mother because I am trying to provide an income for me and the kids that will enable me to stay at home with them full time...I don't get it...I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. It's so hard to find a balance.

Another Pound Bites The Dust

2007-09-04T04:01:00.000-07:00

Ok...so got back on the scales today...the good news is that it is still moving in the right direction...haven't quite got back to where I was when I started writing this blog, in February this year, (239lbs) but I am getting there. From there...I will be truly back on track cause then I will start seeing numbers I haven't seen in about 10 years. I am just backtracking really at the moment to get back to that starting point again.

When the scales are going the right way its kind of exciting isn't it. I love hopping on the scales knowing that it will have gone down and not up. The only way I can ensure this is to really make sure I am watching what I eat..and not CHEAT.

You will be happy to know I haven't had my naughty indulgence...Carrot Cake with lots a cream in over a week now...so I am doing REALLY well. hehe Emotionally I am also doing fine. Trying to catch up now on all my responsibilities both online and off line. I have about 5 projects that I am doing for or in conjunction with others. This last month has really put my schedule right OUT. I have been so unorganised and now I am desperately trying to catch up.

My Therapist and I have been talking extensively about protecting myself from stress and not taking more on that I can chew...Great advise, really, for someone desperately trying to claw themselves out of the depression of just a few weeks ago.

Well, I had to let a couple of people down...which I feel absolutely awful about but there were other things, in terms of my relationship with one of them also that was adding to the stress. I got to the point where enough was enough and I needed to protect myself and my children cause we are number 1 after all. I hate confrontation, and I hate letting people down even more. In a different time and space I may have been able to work through the relationship issues and moved passed it...but at the moment I am more than a bit ahhh 'fragile'. As much as I hate saying that...Its a side of me I don't like people knowing about...lol.

Now, I much prefer y'all thinking I am a sturdy, independent, 'just do it' kind of person. But, I guess, everyone has there vulnerabilities.

I have really struggled with being so honest in my blog...about all this. Because I don't want to dishearten or un-motivate anyone else. I see you all as friends so for that reason I am an open-book. Its not how I would want to be remembered...this fragile, uncertain person, still, its ALL a part of my own journey. To walk the road, truly, with me you need to know my struggles as well as victories. Have I told you lately...Thank you? I am so blessed to have such a supportive group of friends like you guys...

What are your greatest struggles, in your personal life or weight-loss?

The Act of Gaining

2007-09-02T03:18:00.000-07:00

I was going to record a flabvlog tonight but my computer is not playing nicely...So I have resigned myself to writing a post.

I am the mother of all procrastinators... truly! I have known, for some time now, that I had to fill in some forms in time for the 31st August but I have procrastinated to the point that it is probably too late now...grrrr. I will be under 'disciplinary' action too...which is the worst thing. I am supposed to do them every year before that date. But every blinking time I sit down to do it I find something else distracts me...I guess deep down I just don't want to do them...lol But, as my daddy used to tell me "sometimes we have to do what we don't want to do"...I used to hate that saying. It is funny though that, as a mom, I find myself repeating it to my kids...grrrrr! History repeats itself.

So do we really WANT to lose weight. I have been asking myself that question, what does it mean to truly want something? I want to be healthy, I want to be slim, I want to be fit...but I can't say I really WANT to lose weight...unfortunately you can't have the former without the latter. They are all intimately linked. By its essence the act of 'losing' weight has some negative connotations...when you lose something it is usually bad, frustrating, like when you loose your keys, or your purse. True, in the advent of shows like 'The Biggest Loser' and 'Losin' It', pop culture has fashioned our minds into thinking that being a 'loser' or loosing weight is the way to go. But have we forgotten that losing is the OPPOSITE of winning. At its very core, the act of 'losing' weight is like we are losing a part of ourselves...a big part of ourselves for some of us.

Thinking this, for me, automatically places a barrier or boundary in my mind. Perhaps I should change my mindset and internal conversation from being in the act of 'losing' to gaining. I am gaining health, gaining a great body, gaining attractiveness, gaining life, gaining freedom.

Hi, my name is Flabuless and I'm a proud 'Gainer'...lol I guess I am just rambling...cause I can't think of anything better to do...since I am supposed to be doing something else...still...its been fun.

Website Page Move

2007-09-01T21:50:00.000-07:00

Hi guys...Just letting you know that the blog is proving so popular I am moving it to the front page of the site...No biggie, but it just means to get to it you will only need to type in www.findingflabuless.com. Instead of getting to it via www.findingflabuless.com/blog. The move will probably effect your RSS feed if you are subscribed. If you are subscribed via feedburner then I will fix this so that nothing will change for feedburner subscribers. I am going to try and redirect traffic using the /blog ending to the front page so that I wont loose you guys...but just thought I'd give you the up and up if you notice the change. I will be doing a proper post tonight....I have something up my sleeve that I think you guys will really appreciate....ohhhhh how exciting...lol you will just have to wait and see.

xxFlabuless

Chubby Sex

2007-08-29T02:14:00.000-07:00

Apparently, Chubby Sex is one of the highest searched keywords on google. Don't ask me my source...lol...No, No don't worry its not me. For me personally, naked or scantily dressed 'horizontally challenged' (ie FAT) women (or men, for that matter) do not really appeal.

I must admit, I look at them with more than a little disgust...yea, yea before you jump down my throat and tell me how hypocritical I am... YES I know I look like...that! (I am reminded of it on the odd occasion when I happen to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror after bathing...which I try to avoid...like the plague) But I cannot for the life of me understand why men would like to look at images of a big fat momma looking ridiculously haughty showing off her bits to the world and think its SEXY, now just so that we are clear...I am talking about soft porn here.

I love the human body...I have mentioned that quite a few times before, you know the taut, chiselled, six pack version's...but a FAT human body is sort of hard to get an eyeful of...Perhaps what makes me so abhorrent of such pictures...is that, they all remind me of someone (ie MOI)...and I HATE that particular reminder, which is why my eyes avoid the mirror when I am naked. But more importantly, maybe I am also a little threatened by big people that are sexy and know they are SEXY cause I perhaps have lost that same confidence in myself...but still...as a single mom, with 2 children is there really any need to 'Feel Sexy'? I don't have a man in my life nor am I likely too for some time. I can tell you, It's been a LONG time since I put my SEXY clothes on, plastered myself with makeup and went out for a night on the town with the sole intention of giving some unsuspecting guy a 'smouldering look'...Yea you know the one girls!!!.

The closest I get to feeling sexy, now, is when I have one of those few and far between 'DRY' dreams, YOU KNOW the ones where you wake up and realise you were dry humping the pillow...oops did I say that. Perhaps it is my subconscious telling me that, on some level, I should get in-touch with my SEXY side again. How important is feeling 'sexy' to you?

Down Scales DOWN!

2007-08-29T02:00:00.000-07:00

Ok, so after putting on soooooo...much weight, this week I have REALLY been making a concerted effort...I have been eating...less...walking more and finally I am seeing some results. ok so maybe only

1lb

but its something!...I can do SOOOO...much more if I want to see some huge results. For instance, the walks have been a little more sedate whilst I get back into things and the eating less...I could choose even MORE carefully what is nutritionally good for me and what is not...but for now I am at peace...The scales are going in the RIGHT direction, after all this time. So just you wait...finding flabuless might be just around the corner for me...How about you? How are you all going with your journey?

xx Flabulicious ME!

A New Day, A New Way of Blogging

2007-08-27T03:31:00.000-07:00

Click on the picture....Come on...you know you want to...I promise it will be a big surprise...and don't forget to hit REPLY and talk back to me! These interactive podcasts (FlabPOD's) are brought to you by the newly released

VAESTRO

software. Why not start your own

Vaestro channel

and incorporate interactive podcasts into your blogs. It is a lot of fun and a very personal way of communicating with our readers. It also works well as a guestbook ~ people can leave voice messages when they visit your blog. Hey....how cool is that?

I am a BAD BAD GIRL

2007-08-22T20:13:00.000-07:00

Ok guys before you start sending out the search party to look under all the rocks and cave's around New Zealand...I am still around.

Timidly, I write this crawling out of my cave...I have to beg your pardon and forgiveness cause I feel like a big, fat fraud...I went to my lap band dr this week and had to jump on the scales..and the truth is I have put on 11lbs over the last couple of months...true...the custard chocolate swirl pastries that I have been gauging myself with hasn't helped...and neither have the daily visits to the local cafe's and bakeries.

The more depressed I get the more I eat...Why Why Why can't I be an anorexic...At least if I actually had the will power to starve myself I would be thin...I know that is not the answer...lol and I will probably be disgusted in myself for writing this in my blog a few weeks from now...maybe I'll even delete the post...but this is how I feel right here and now.

Its not that anything huge has happened in my life...and I honestly thought I was getting out of the hole I have been living in for the past month but the icy hands of depression have been reaching out and pulling me back under...

As you all should know by now...this is NOT me. I am usually the most happy, positive, enthusiastic and vibrant person around...but one thing about me is that when I am UP I am in the skies as high as you can get...but on the other hand when I am down...well that's another story.

I haven't given up...Today and yesterday I barely ate a thing...and I made sure I ate vegetables and food with good nutrient value. But I am here...clawing my way out of the abyss. These times are so hard when you are trying to loose weight. Watching what you eat doesn't come naturally it seems more natural to give up, let it all hang out and eat whatever, whenever. But these are the times when we have to keep our eyes firmly fixed on the goal...

"Why am I doing this, again?" - I am doing this to love myself. To give myself permission to SHINE, for a very long and healthy future to come. Why are you loosing weight?

Just for a Laugh!

2007-08-15T02:45:00.000-07:00

Just a little something I cooked up! I think these should be regulated in all states! HeHe only kidding!

I am a Shrinking Lady!

2007-08-14T20:39:00.000-07:00

I also thought I would also let you know that I am officially a Shrinking Lady and am co-blogging on Lady Rose's

Incredible Shrinking Ladies

Blog. So for all you, stalkers out there...you can track me down there also! I am looking forward to reading your comments on both my blogs! Today I posted

Why Do We Blog?

...so check it out!

I'm BACK

2007-08-14T13:20:00.000-07:00

Yes guys it is me! I am back in full throttle.

The house is clean...finally! I am back to sleeping in my pyjamas again...and not just the clothes I wore that day...always a good sign with me.

I have washed my hair! AND started a 'To Do Today' Whiteboard so that I can keep on top of things from now on.

I have had a rollercoaster of a week...and in fact this entire month has been very difficult...but I am DETERMINED to step out of the funk...and take the time to start enjoying myself, my life, and my kids again.

During my funk, I received the most amazing email from one of you guys...that really helped cheered me up and gave me a new perspective on things...which really helped...I won't name who it was but if you're reading, you'll know who I am talking about and I just wanted to say thank you so much for taking the time to write...you were inspired and you really touched me deeply. I read every line of the epic...over and over again with tears coming down my face!

Ok Got To Dash for now but I will be back on board this week so expect more regular postings from me...

Oh and also, just in case you didnt get from my last FlabVlog, I WON

2K BLOGGERS

! YAY.

You probably remember the

2k Bloggers Entry Essay

i posted here a few weeks back, well thanks for your comments and encuragement....I WON!

Catch ya later.

xx Flabuless

A Speech from the Flabuless 2K Blogger WINNER!!!!

2007-08-14T03:10:00.000-07:00

2kbloggers

acceptance speech...I always wanted an opportunity to do this!

My life aint so bad

2007-08-06T18:52:00.000-07:00

I was watching Dr Phil today and saw this amazing story about a couple raising the only deaf/blind triplets in the world. It is an absolutely incredible story and makes me realise that my life just ain't so bad! Dr Phil makes a comment in the first video right at the end that I thought was absolutely perfect...I truly am humbled in their presence and in awe of their spirit and commitment. This is a story that MUST be heard by anyone who thinks that their world is caving in on them...like me this week. I needed to see and hear this. It gives me hope...If they can overcome all that I can surely overcome my own daily struggles. I am blessed to have the two amazing and healthy children that you see above.

A Message from my Cave!

2007-08-06T04:09:00.000-07:00

One of my favourite movies of all times "Shadowlands", the story of CS Lewis, has a quote which I love it states "we read to know we are not alone". Thanks so much for your comments, encouragement and patience this week...I thought I would do a quick FlabVlog to fill you in on the details. I am still a bit down...but getting there!
xx Flabuless

A Tough Week

2007-08-03T03:21:00.000-07:00

I haven't been around much this week...I have had a tough one.

I got a letter from my X's lawyer threatening to 'litigate' (ie take me to court) if I didn't agree to relocate back to Australia so that the kids could be near their father. Believe me, I was UPSET.

Last year, My X signed a court agreement allowing the kids to stay with me here indefinitely and now he is doing a total back flip and apparently he has a case...if that was not ALL he has decided that since I have apparently 're-established myself here in New Zealand he was going to keep ALL our joint assets that are currently in the house, OUR HOUSE which he has been living in for the past 2 years. Bl**dy Men, I knew he was going to screw me over.

Its a hump, I know, in the bigger picture of my life but it doesn't make it easier when you are right in the midst of the battle. It feels like my whole world is falling in on me at the moment. Hmmmmm...I don't have much else to say today except bare with me...I need to get my head straight.

(~big sighs~)

I am trying to keep smiling

xx flabuless

A Fat Debate

2007-07-28T05:22:00.000-07:00

After writing my last post...I discovered this video on another fabulous fatblog,

I'm Not a Dumb Bell

. The perceptions demonstrated in the below video is EXACTLY the negative perceptions I was talking about in my Religion of Perfection Post....Watching this video actually makes me uptight and angry as a FAT Woman.

Its attitudes like Meme Roth's that are shaping our discrimination. I am NOT saying that we shouldn't be healthy, exercise and live long prosperous lives...Well obviously...otherwise I wouldn't be on the weight loss journey that I am on. I do believe we need to look after our bodies and that any ADDICTIONS are 'unhealthy' for us whether it is food, smoking, drugs etc etc. However, for most of us there are medical, sociological or emotional reasons why we are the way we are. Which can't just be fixed by diet or exercise! Lets see some research that gets to the REAL root of our weight problems whether it be medical, social or psychological...instead of just discrediting us as 'a statistic', 'unhealthy', 'or slobs with no discipline or willpower'. What do you think?

The Religion of Perfection

2007-07-28T02:26:00.000-07:00

Tonight sitting here, in front of a roaring fire- always a sure environment for pensive reflection, I have been taking an honest look at WHY i want to loose weight.

The honest truth is that in every respect I have been made to feel like I am not good enough...As a FAT woman, I fall below the mark... My X Husband used to refer to me as a 'big fat cow sitting on the couch eating chocolate' to all his mates at work...and wouldn't touch me sexually or affectionately, for that matter, for months at a time...its a miracle I have two beautiful children really. My parents, took me to a 'fat' doctor when I was 9 cause they were concerned about my weight even then.

'Fat' to all sense and purposes in this world is just plain wrong! How can I hope to experience the fairy tale; a knight in shining armour that is crazy about me, 'true love', an empowered life, successful career, super mom, if I am constantly burdened by this handicap of Fat'ness. How will people take me seriously and accept me 'Just as I am' when first impressions are just so darned important.

I guess I have bought into the religion of perfection that permeates in the world today. I am not a size 0 and somehow that makes me less than perfect...no not even that...it makes me 'null'. No matter what I do, how smart I am, what a great sense of humour I have, or how nice I am. It makes no difference because I am FAT, a statistic, an 'undesirable', the humiliation of society. The 'obesity epidemic' is given more coverage than the famine/hunger in third world countries. This is not a cry for acceptance, or a shout for you all to tell me how wonderful and special I am...I know that I am...'Just as I am'...but unfortunately the world doesn't and to mold myself to the 'worlds' standards I must lose weight.

However, It would be a dream to actually be accepted, successful and loved 'just as I am' by someone else for a change...not just me...

Deep, deep down I want it to be true that you don't have to be a size 0 to live the fairy tale which is partly why I have been filling my head with books like

Conversations with the Fat Girl

-Liza Palmer,

Can You Keep a Secret?

-Sophie Kinsella,

Blushing Pink

- Jill Winters,

The Perfect 10

-Louise Kean,

Good in Bed

- Jennifer Weiner. They all feature plus-size heroines finding peace and getting their man despite the worlds perceptions of them and their weight. Yes, I am a romantic but I happen to be proud of that!

I know my life will NOT be complete as soon as a drop the pounds, I know the fairy tale wont just begin then...but, at least then...I WILL have a fighting chance! At least THEN...I wont have this 'handicap' of a negative first impression, before I have even sat my huge butt down.

Just As I am -Photo Montage

2007-07-26T02:03:00.000-07:00

Just dropping in to let you know that the Photo Montage is Now

LIVE

for the 'Just As I Am' Challenge. You can view it on the menu above under 'PhotoMontage' or click

HERE

. I am still waiting on a couple of pics from our entrants so far. This is just the beginning, but, call me optimistic, I can see BIG things ahead. So if you haven't done so already...Take up the challenge...you won't regret it!

FlabQuote #1

2007-07-25T21:32:00.000-07:00

This one hit a cord with me today so I wanted to share...I am guilty of this....soooooo guilty...cause my life is going to be perfect when I lose weight RIGHT?....

Reality check: you can never, ever, use weight loss to solve problems that are not related to your weight. At your goal weight or not, you still have to live with yourself and deal with your problems. You will still have the same husband, the same job, the same kids, and the same life. Losing weight is not a cure for life.
~Phillip C. McGraw, The Ultimate Weight Solution: The 7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom, 2003

Just As I am Participants so far!

2007-07-25T06:32:00.000-07:00

Just a quickie...

I am in the process of putting together a photo-montage of everyone that participates but here is the list so far with links direct to their challenge post.

Christina-Do0rdiet
Lady Rose The Diet Pulpit

Marianne - Practice Living

Tam - Fitness & Weight Loss

Have I missed anyone...let me know if I have...but do keep them coming in...I love reading about my Flabuless Readers!

I will have the photo montage up as soon as I get the rest of the photo's so far...This is going to be so much fun!

Flabuless' Stinky Princess Diaries

2007-07-25T04:23:00.000-07:00

Beware the stench that follows! My friends, it had to be said...it is the TRUTH so it has to be said...there I have said it...watch below if you dare! And tell me of your ?????? issues. lol

:)