Ok…so got back on the scales today…the good news is that it is still moving in the right direction…haven’t quite got back to where I was when I started writing this blog, in February this year, (239lbs) but I am getting there. From there…I will be truly back on track cause then I will start seeing numbers I haven’t seen in about 10 years. I am just backtracking really at the moment to get back to that starting point again.

When the scales are going the right way its kind of exciting isn’t it. I love hopping on the scales knowing that it will have gone down and not up. The only way I can ensure this is to really make sure I am watching what I eat..and not CHEAT.

You will be happy to know I haven’t had my naughty indulgence…Carrot Cake with lots a cream in over a week now…so I am doing REALLY well. hehe Emotionally I am also doing fine. Trying to catch up now on all my responsibilities both online and off line. I have about 5 projects that I am doing for or in conjunction with others. This last month has really put my schedule right OUT. I have been so unorganised and now I am desperately trying to catch up.

My Therapist and I have been talking extensively about protecting myself from stress and not taking more on that I can chew…Great advise, really, for someone desperately trying to claw themselves out of the depression of just a few weeks ago.

Well, I had to let a couple of people down…which I feel absolutely awful about but there were other things, in terms of my relationship with one of them also that was adding to the stress. I got to the point where enough was enough and I needed to protect myself and my children cause we are number 1 after all. I hate confrontation, and I hate letting people down even more. In a different time and space I may have been able to work through the relationship issues and moved passed it…but at the moment I am more than a bit ahhh ‘fragile’. As much as I hate saying that…Its a side of me I don’t like people knowing about…lol.

Now, I much prefer y’all thinking I am a sturdy, independent, ‘just do it’ kind of person. But, I guess, everyone has there vulnerabilities.

I have really struggled with being so honest in my blog…about all this. Because I don’t want to dishearten or un-motivate anyone else. I see you all as friends so for that reason I am an open-book. Its not how I would want to be remembered…this fragile, uncertain person, still, its ALL a part of my own journey. To walk the road, truly, with me you need to know my struggles as well as victories. Have I told you lately…Thank you? I am so blessed to have such a supportive group of friends like you guys…

What are your greatest struggles, in your personal life or weight-loss?

Ok, so after putting on soooooo…much weight, this week I have REALLY been making a concerted effort…I have been eating…less…walking more and finally I am seeing some results. ok so maybe only

1lb

but its something!…I can do SOOOO…much more if I want to see some huge results. For instance, the walks have been a little more sedate whilst I get back into things and the eating less…I could choose even MORE carefully what is nutritionally good for me and what is not…but for now I am at peace…The scales are going in the RIGHT direction, after all this time. So just you wait…finding flabuless might be just around the corner for me…How about you? How are you all going with your journey?

xx Flabulicious ME!

Ok guys before you start sending out the search party to look under all the rocks and cave’s around New Zealand…I am still around.

Timidly, I write this crawling out of my cave…I have to beg your pardon and forgiveness cause I feel like a big, fat fraud…I went to my lap band dr this week and had to jump on the scales..and the truth is I have put on 11lbs over the last couple of months…true…the custard chocolate swirl pastries that I have been gauging myself with hasn’t helped…and neither have the daily visits to the local cafe’s and bakeries.

The more depressed I get the more I eat…Why Why Why can’t I be an anorexic…At least if I actually had the will power to starve myself I would be thin…I know that is not the answer…lol and I will probably be disgusted in myself for writing this in my blog a few weeks from now…maybe I’ll even delete the post…but this is how I feel right here and now.

Its not that anything huge has happened in my life…and I honestly thought I was getting out of the hole I have been living in for the past month but the icy hands of depression have been reaching out and pulling me back under…

As you all should know by now…this is NOT me. I am usually the most happy, positive, enthusiastic and vibrant person around…but one thing about me is that when I am UP I am in the skies as high as you can get…but on the other hand when I am down…well that’s another story.

I haven’t given up…Today and yesterday I barely ate a thing…and I made sure I ate vegetables and food with good nutrient value. But I am here…clawing my way out of the abyss. These times are so hard when you are trying to loose weight. Watching what you eat doesn’t come naturally it seems more natural to give up, let it all hang out and eat whatever, whenever. But these are the times when we have to keep our eyes firmly fixed on the goal…

“Why am I doing this, again?” – I am doing this to love myself. To give myself permission to SHINE, for a very long and healthy future to come. Why are you loosing weight?